Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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