my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
