Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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