i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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