Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
