Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
