Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
