so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
