Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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