I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
