she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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