the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
