one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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