You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
