Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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