If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
