put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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