If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
