her vagine was all disorganized.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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