At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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