OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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