You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
