this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
