Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
