wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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