You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
