He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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