Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize