Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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