Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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