Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
People in love make me want to vomit
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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