fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
