I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize