Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
