How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
