Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
