i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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