Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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