Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
