she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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