I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize