My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
