she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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