so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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