I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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