i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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