Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
