That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
His nipple licking is glorious
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