dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
