i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
