just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
