One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize