I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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