The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
