i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
