guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
