I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
