You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
