well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
