he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
