Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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