I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
