you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize