i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He has the fingertips of a God
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
