Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
