My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
