Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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