u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
