He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
