I feel great
I just peed on a car
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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