i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
