Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
my liver is dry heaving
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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