where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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