she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
