I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
